


me me big boy

by btdubbbz



Category: Cancer Crew, Filthy Frank - Fandom, George miller - Fandom, Ian carter - Fandom, Joji miller - Fandom, Max stanley - Fandom, Maxmoefoe - Fandom, Video Blogging RPF, idubbbz - Fandom
Genre: I HAVE NO IDEA HOW TO TAG STUFF ON HERE SOS, Idk what i'm doing, One Shot Collection, chad is in this but like barely
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-16
Updated: 2017-04-02
Packaged: 2018-10-06 04:38:50
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10325771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/btdubbbz/pseuds/btdubbbz
Summary: random one shots okay im just trying shit here lmao i don't even know what I'm doing but yea stay tuned everyone (or don't)





	1. i can't think of titles

**Author's Note:**

> someone teach me to write better plz n thanks :-) 
> 
> ALSO just a disclaimer!! this is fiction & not in any way representative of the boys (and tbh i don't actually ship any of them together i just wanted to write this bc the idea popped into my head u know?) its not supposed to be realistic but hey at least it was fun for me to write amirite

ian: hey joji can i tell you something

ian: this has been on my mind for a while now so what the fuck, right?

ian: i like you

ian: and i've liked you for a while now but i was always too scared to tell you b/c of what you and everyone else would think

chad: so you ARE gay hahahah

maxie boy: c'mon mate we already knew the whole 'what're you fuckin gay' shit was a coverup of course he's gay

maxie boy: ian's sexuality is such a mess so i'm honestly not surprised lmao

ian: shit shit shit shit shit

ian: this is the group chat isn't it

ian: i wanna fuckin die

chad: im in tears this is priceless

maxie boy: lets sell this news to keem

maxie boy: jk ian don't kill me plz

ian: i think i'll kill myself instead 

joji: something going on here, boys?

maxie boy: nope nothing

chad: HAHAHAHAHA 

ian: goddamn this is embarrassing

ian: gonna go drink bleach gnight 

ian shut his phone off. he couldn't bring himself to look at the flood of text messages that he knew were just pouring in. 

so he grabbed a bottle of beer from his fridge and slammed the top of the bottle against the countertop, causing the cap to fly off and hit the stove behind him. closing his eyes, he took a gulp of the amber liquid, his throat burning as he did. 

 

/ / / time skip bc I'm lazy / / / 

 

ian was five beers in and it was only ten p.m., so why stop there? as he returned to his worn couch, the soft glow of his phone caught his eye and damn it, he'd been trying so hard not to look at it, but curiosity always got the best of him (and the cat, he guesses).

he had five missed calls from joji, hundreds of unread messages in the group chat, and some just from joji himself. ignoring the group chat - which just consisted of max and chad sending memes back and forth, at this point - he opened his messages with joji. it was an understatement to say that he was nervous. no, he was way past nervous at this point, his uneven breathing, racing heartbeat, and shaky hands giving that away, and fuck, why was he overreacting? it was just joji, he thought. just joji. joji was one of his best friends, he could tell joji anything. 

(yeah, except that he was maybe in love with him.) 

joji: ian 

joji: can we talk about what you said

joji: were you just saying that for a fucking meme or something 

joji: bc i never know with you 

joji: answer me... ? 

joji: fucking cunt 

he finally found the balls to text back (or maybe it was the alcohol, but whatever), and struggled to think of a fitting response; typing and deleting and typing some more then thinking fuck it and deleting that then trying again with a sigh then - 

ian: can i call u 

joji replied within minutes. 

joji: yeah 

joji: i'm a little high tho 

ian: //: 

joji: its just xannies and weed, relax 

ian: "just"... 

joji: "just" call dude, it's 1 am where i am 

shit, yeah. time zones were a thing, ian mused to himself, pressing the little green call button next to joji's contact. he answered on the second ring, and ian's breath hitched in his throat, his nerves sinking in as he listened to joji's smooth voice and imagined him standing on his starry balcony, a cigarette in his hand and a gust of wind in his hair, his dark eyes half-lidded as he fought to stay awake while exhaling clouds of smoke from those lips and oh god - 

"ian?" 

the hazel boy licked his lips, reality sinking in. he was in his living room on his old couch with a half-empty bottle of beer in his hand talking to the boy he couldn't stop thinking about and this was where he fucking was, not there, not new york. 

"yeah, sorry," he choked out. "i'm a little... a little drunk right now." 

joji laughed. "so, uh, does that explain the text in the group chat?" 

ian could lie, say that yeah, dude, i was just drunk and an idiot, i didn't mean it, or that it was just a stupid meme, but before he could stop himself, words came tumbling out of his mouth. "no, no. i was, ah, i was actually sober when i sent that. stone fuckin' cold sober, dude. and i... i meant it. it wasn't just some fuckin' meme, i -" 

he froze. again. joji was silent as well, only adding to ian's already bad anxiety. 

"what are you, fuckin' gay?"

it was a joke, obviously - ian could tell by the way joji said it, the way he punctuated his question with an airy laugh, but he still felt the need to explain himself. pushing his glasses up, he stuttered out, "i, uh... hell if i know, dude. i don't think i'm gay... or, i didn't think i was, but then you came along and fucked everything up." 

from the other end, joji laughed. ian could hear the wind swirling in the background, crackling through the speaker, and once again, his mind started wandering. joji's door was probably open, letting the cool air into his small apartment because he always liked it that way, couldn't sleep if it was too hot, and the curtains were flying out, getting tangled in the wind and the ashtray was still sitting on that little glass table he kept out there and - 

"you still there?"

"yeah." 

"did you really mean what you said?" 

"yeah." 

more silence. he sipped his beer, grimacing as the liquid burned its way down his throat. he never really was the biggest drinker. 

"maybe you should get some sleep," joji spoke, his words slow. "and then call me tomorrow, when you're not drunk off your ass and i'm not high as a fuckin' kite. we could talk about it more then." 

ian let out a sigh, running his fingers through his messy hair. "yeah. yeah, i like that idea." 

he downed the rest of whatever was left in the beer bottle he loosely held as joji promised that he would call back. he nodded along, not saying anything; just listening to joji ramble. 

there was a pause, and he could hear joji cough, and the wind was still loudly crackling in the background, and - 

"'night, ian," joji spoke, and god, ian wished he was there in person, wished joji was whispering those words to him while pulling him closer in bed and... that was really fucking gay, ian thought, but whatever, he was really fucking gay. 

(for joji, at least.) 

"g'night," the hazel-eyed boy mumbled back. 

when joji hung up, ian was left with nothing but his thoughts as he sat on his couch, his apartment completely dark. he set his now empty beer bottle down on the floor - that was number six, and he figured he should probably stop now - as his phone screen lit up, casting the room in a muted glow. 

it was just chad sending another meme in the group chat. 

ian chuckled to himself, pushing up his glasses before drunkenly walking to his bedroom and practically passing out on his unmade bed. though his head was spinning and his mind was going a million miles a second, it seemed, he still thought of joji, thought of their conversation. 

he closed his eyes. tomorrow was gonna be interesting, to say the least.


	2. dickfuck

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ** this was inspired by something i saw on instagram that i thought would make a cute lil plot ** hahahah this is gonna be shitty and also v short but oh well stay tuned maybe my writing will get better maybe it won't life is an illusion time isn't real

"you're so indecisive sometimes," ian groaned, following closely behind max and pushing their almost-full shopping cart. "and why do you even want ice cream? it's fuckin' freezing outside!" 

the green-eyed boy hardly registered ian's words, his stare fixed intently on the shelves of ice cream in front of him. ian watched as his eyes darted from cookies and cream to peanut butter to vanilla bean to - 

"if you don't shut the fuck up, i'll -"

"you'll what?" ian teased. 

"i'll - i'll, um... fuck off, cunt, you're not making this any easier," max said with a sigh, eyes still scanning over the millions of flavors in front of him. 

from beside them, a blonde soccer mom gasped, pulling her daughter by the hand far, far away from the two loud boys in the ice cream aisle. 

"now look what you did," ian laughed, "you're scaring off the children." 

max only responded with an eye roll and then asked, "okay - cookies and cream or reese's? wait, no, fuck. the red velvet looks so fucking good, also."

"how about you just get every fuckin' flavor in the store?" ian joked. 

max laughed, and in that moment, ian decided that it was the kind of laugh he could listen to for the rest of his life and never get tired of. max mumbled something about how ian was a cunt or not funny or whatever and then pressed his lips against ian's, his cold hands cupping the taller boy's cheeks. 

ian could feel just how cold the tip of max's nose was, as well, and before he knew it, max had pulled away and was asking him if he preferred reese's or red velvet again. 

"i, uh," ian stood there and tried to form a complete sentence, but his mind was like a whirlwind. max just had that effect on him, he guessed. "god, max, you can't just do that to me." 

the green-eyed boy only shrugged. "i had to shut you up somehow." 

"i fucking hate you." 

"no you don't, cunt. now seriously, reese's or red velvet? those are my final choices."

"uh... reese's. i've always had a thing for reese's," ian decided. 

"okay, reese's it is, let's fuckin' do it, it's official," max agreed, tossing the carton of ice cream into the shopping cart. 

ian pushed his glasses up with his knuckle, his eyes still lingering on max's messy brown hair that he hadn't bothered to do anything with because they were in bed all afternoon and the slightly-too-big grey sweatpants that hung loosely around his hips, and - 

max pulled the freezer doors open again, quickly grabbing a tub of cookies and cream, vanilla bean, and red velvet. putting those into the cart as well, he said, "i just couldn't do it, dude. they all sounded so fuckin' good. i had to." 

ian sighed, his lips curving into a smile. "whatever, let's get out of here, it's cold."

"i told you to wear a jacket, dumbass," max fired back, laughing. 

ian rolled his eyes, but max didn't see. he was too busy walking towards the checkout line, rambling on and on about how he couldn't wait to get back and try every flavor of ice cream and how he'd been wanting ice cream all day and ian couldn't help but smile because only max could get so excited over something so simple as ice cream and ian thinks he loves it - no, he knows he does but he would never say that out loud because it was kinda gay, a little too gay. 

and then it was silent, except for the noise of the scanner, and all ian could think of was the boy standing next to him. all they had done today was lay in bed together until max practically dragged ian out to go to the store and yet even that was an adventure. 

the two boys paid and then walked back to ian's jeep, their cold fingers laced together. as soon as they got into the car, ian leaned over and kissed max, and it was full of lip-biting and hair-pulling and heavy, ragged breathing.

"what was that for?" max laughed, eyebrows pulled together. 

"sorry, i had to. you looked so fuckin' good," ian said.

"that was," max paused, laughing breathily. "fuckin' gay, dude." 

"fuck off," ian smiled, turning his car keys in the ignition and shivering as the cold air hit his skin. 

as ian pulled out of the parking lot and drove back to his house, max mumbled, "fuck, we should've gotten cookie dough, too."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> thx for reading, big boys

**Author's Note:**

> if u know how to italicize/bold words on here could u lmk please n thx :-)


End file.
